An Open Letter to the Humans

By: Luna

Translated by Nick to English from Caninekinesthetics

There’s been a few things on my mind as of late and I’d like to take this opportunity to make a few statements.

  1. One who has the power to roll the car window down should not waste it on air conditioning.
  2. If you watched fewer late-night cartoons where an idiot in green pants and white shirt tries to get his hopelessly ignorant wife to divorce him, and instead went to bed, you might have more motivation to play in the mornings.
  3. Trust me, food variety is overrated. I have more energy than you and I’ve been eating from the same grey bag of dog food for years now. Does what you are eating have everything your body needs? If it doesn’t, make it right before searching for garbage. Furthermore, if the leftovers from that package make it so I need to “stay outside” for a while, then why are you eating it?
  4. Try, every once in a while, to chase something you can actually catch.
  5. Ever notice how I can pass out on concrete? If you wake up at 2 am in a soft bed with pillows, you must not be tired enough.
  6. Yup, I’m obsessed with the squirrels. And that makes me stupid? The only thing I see you pursue with any regularity is your job.
  7. There is nothing to be afraid of.

That is all.

Luna stands by a lake in the Boundary Waters.
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