Why enjoy the outdoors when the indoors have so much to offer?
With spring in full swing and summer just around the corner, you might be thinking about heading outside your house to see what Mother Nature has to offer. However, for many with busy schedules and large financial goals, (read: debt accumulation, expensive cars, and home entertainment systems), heading for the wilderness can become a serious impediment to advancing these important objectives.
Use these 10 tips to keep yourself inside this summer.
- Put any outdoor clothes on the furthest back shelf of the closet possible. Keep only dressy, flowy clothes upfront. Anything that is functional and made of quick-dry, sturdy material should be packed in storage or donated to the thrift store.
- Keep the thermostat set to a temperature that is vastly different from the outside air. If it is warm in the summer, make sure your house is cool. During the winter months keep your house as warm as possible. By doing this, you will feel immediately uncomfortable outside, which is your body signaling you to go back inside.
- Do not purchase waterproof footwear nor sandals that strap tightly to your feet. By sporting low-rise tennis shoes that fit loose and look good untied, you will make sure that you only go outside on nice days. Also, by sticking to flip-flop style sandals, you won’t be tempted by any off-the-path trails or waterways.
- Only own one swimsuit. Outdoor adventures that are rugged and involve water tend to make swimsuits dirty. By sticking to just one, you won’t be tempted to return to the outdoors until a laundry cycle has passed.
- Make sure your dog gets all the food it wants and puts on weight. Ignore the recommended feeding amounts on the back of the bag and give free-choice food in addition to as many table scraps as possible. The extra “fluff” will make sure your furry friend is tired quickly, should it find itself on an outdoor adventure.
- Store items NOT related to the outdoors in your car. I recommend cases of water, discarded sweaters, gas station meal wrappers, and kids’ toys. A messy car just takes too much time to clean out and load up for anything more than a short walk in a city park.
- If you’re unfortunate enough to have a roof rack on your car, its effects can be mitigated by removing any attachments that help to carry things like bikes, kayaks, or skis. These attachments will typically have bolts with small handles, which make them a pain to install when desired. By leaving them off, you will have a good reason to say no when your spouse decides that he/she wants to get back to nature.
- Recycle any paper maps or guide books you might own. Everything is available on your phone nowadays anyways! Leafing through books, especially any with large color pictures, might give you ideas and temptations that need to be suppressed. Any outdoor app on your phone is fine, as long as the majority of the destinations it promotes are wineries, state parks, and urban sculpture tours.
Pro-tip: You don’t have to walk to do a sculpture tour, simply drive by each sculpture with the AC on in the car, then find the nearest winery to unwind after the stress of driving in traffic. An expensive winery will typically have an indoor tasting room, so you won’t be forced onto a windy, bright patio situation.
- Develop a taste for complicated meals and only cook with gadgetry. By sticking to meals with plenty of ingredients and specialized utensils, you will be sure to need your kitchen to eat. This will keep all outings limited to the time between meals.
- Keep your calendar filled with mundane social functions that occur in the middle of the day on a Saturday or Sunday. By keeping the middle of the day filled, you will have no choice but to stay home for the morning and evening since there won’t be enough time for anything truly grand. Bonus points if these social functions require you to bring a complicated hors d’oeuvre to show off since the cooking prep will necessitate a day inside all by itself.
During this season, with the arrival of beautiful weather, it’s truly important to repress any desires to leave the protection of a house to explore. Considering most jobs require sitting indoors in front of a computer, it would be difficult to readjust on Monday morning after a weekend in the elements.
This post was written by Nick Schmitz, May 2021.
